April 2011
5 posts
4 tags
Mail
I think it’s so sad when I get other people’s mail by accident. They don’t even know what they’re missing. It’s like having the winning lottery ticket and not checking the numbers that night. Or having the files get mixed up at the doctor’s office, and you aren’t aware you have a terminal illness. I’m being over dramatic. Well I’m sorry Andrew...
4 tags
I'm eating myself alive.
All I want to get out of high school is knowing that I got all I could out of the experience. Good grades, enough friends, and maybe possibly become a better person along the way. I have done all of those things and more, so why am I still miserable?
Because my average is a point lower than I want? So a 101 isn’t good enough for me? Or maybe because I don’t have 30 guys falling for me at a...
4 tags
Walking home
Everyday when I walk home, I take out my cellphone. I open it, and hold it up to my ear. And I just talk. I say anything and everything that goes through my mind. I talk about the day’s events: my friends, teachers, clothes, enemies, insecurities, weather, beauty, and myself. I feel like it’s the only time I’m not wearing a fucking mask. I laugh when I make jokes. I cry when I...
3 tags
Hi, I'm insecure.
Just like the 9057398267298 people everywhere. I want to like myself. But I can’t. Sorry. My friends tolerate me. I’m afraid of people. My chest is collapsing. I’m not fun anymore. I write poems, but they suck. I watch movies, and I have hope and dreams that will never happen. Love doesn’t exist. I’m ugly. No one will ever want me, and if he does, I’ll fuck it...
March 2011
1 post
1 tag
Daily Vent turned into nothing. So I’ll write whenever the fuck I want because it’s my blog and I can do that. Here’s some notes to various people in my life. If you think one of these is to you, I guarantee you it’s wrong. and anyway, no one is following this that I know so fuck.
Bitch, your boyfriend isn’t attractive. I don’t want him, and I’m actually offended by the fact you think I do.
...
December 2010
1 post
Who is everyone?
November 2010
4 posts
1 tag
She never asked for pain, she just wanted someone to love. And after it all, she not only lost a year of searching, but she lost a friend.
He didn’t ask for love, especially not from her. All he wanted was someone to listen. Lucky for him, he lost nothing more than a friendly acquaintance.
Him: a charismatic, lovable boy with extraordinary talent. Girls and boys adored him, too much in...
day whatever: Dear No One,
Compulsive online shopping to deal with sadness that has no cause.
Crying Day Yeah: Dear No One,
Crying in school is the worst thing to ever happen.
fuck days: Dear No One,
I stopped doing days because I don’t know why I tried to write everyday. I’m not proving anything to anyone.
Halloween was a little crazy. I hooked up with my best guy friend, and I’m pretty sure it was only because he was desperate and the party got shut down. Then my actual best friend proceeded to hookup with him shortly after. It was fine, until I realized it wasn’t....
October 2010
17 posts
Day 16 and 17: Dear No One,
Today is my birthday, and I don’t know why I’m still melancholy. Everyone was nice and great to me today, but I still feel devastated and collapsing. Maybe it’s because I always end up feeling disappointed on birthdays. Not this one, but the last 7 or 8 birthdays had a little bit of disappointment in it.
4 tags
Day 15: Dear No One,
I wrote a poem:
Rejection
has a way of reminding us
of the journeys failed.
It creeps in where it’s least expected
and bombards
the walls of the mind.
Depression and melancholy
flood over the
broken façade of perfection.
Freeing the dams,
letting the tide of truth
wash over avoidance and composure.
No longer skilled, attractive or desirable,
Self-destruction erodes
the positivity...
Day 14: Dear No One,
Every time I need to cry, I take a shower so my mom can’t hear me. I showered 4 times in the last 24 hours.
Day 13: Dear No One,
When will I get out of high school? I hope when that day comes, I’m still alive.
1 tag
Day 12: Dear No One,
Last night, I had a dream where my entire life fell apart. I got into school and no one would look at or talk to me. Throughout my day, everyone in my classes made little remarks, all making fun of me.My teachers gave me back awful grades and one of them told me I should look into community college. I started crying in a practice room in my school, and one of my friends saw me crying and tried to...
Day 11: Dear No One,
There’s this club at my school for nice people called SHARE. You get voted into it by other students. I think I’m a nice person most of the time, and I actually thought I might get in this year. Negatory. The club does more harm than good and excludes people constantly. It hurts, but I’ll get over it. Sorry for the annoying-ness of this blog. Who the fuck am I apologizing to?...
Day 10: Dear No One,
Slap in the face day. At the end, I had to physically touch someone to reassure that I’m not physically alone, just mentally. It was a ghost day, and everyone let me be a ghost. Good? no. I see the appeal in drugs.
Day 9: Dear No One,
My day ended well. We broke the ceiling at rehearsal. We laughed. I felt loved for a short while. It ended quickly.
Day 8: Dear No One,
My friends threw me a surprise party last night and for ten minutes, I was so happy I could cry. But slowly, my mood declined and in an hour, I wanted to cry because I felt so lonely. I’m surrounded by the people who love me most, so why the hell am I feeling lonely. I have something wrong with me.
Day 7: Dear No One,
I’m actually being social this weekend? I don’t know why I bother posting. No one’s reading this anyway.
Day 6: Dear No One,
Save me from myself.
Day 5: Dear No One,
A day like any other. People pushed me aside a lot today, which feels like shit considering I DO EXIST. Just because I’m not super talkative or opinionated one day doesn’t mean you can push me around and stick words in my mouth. I went to therapy, which always puts me in a better mood. I don’t tell anyone I go to therapy, because I feel like they’ll either think I’m a...
3 tags
Day 4: Dear No One,
How can you be totally surrounded by people, but feel completely alone? One of the most cliche questions ever. There are countless songs about it. It’s asked in every social outcast book ever written. And yet, there’s something so right about that concept that no one can let it go. My life lately IS that one cliche. There are 2100+ people in my school. So out of those 2100 people,...
1 tag
Day 3: Dear No One,
I know I joke about being awkward, but some days, I get sick of it. Yeah it’s funny when I make fun of myself, but I just wish I could effortlessly make conversation with the boy behind me in english. I wish the bitch in my french class wouldn’t call me a spaz everyday. I wish my bag wouldn’t get caught on railings everyday. I want to go a day without tripping. And my entire day...
Day 2: Dear No One,
I went through my memories today, and realized how much I was bullied in elementary school. Not as much as some kids, but I had my fair share of nasty comments. The girls in my girl scout troop would always talk about me. Three of them never talked to me and isolated me constantly. This one group of boys told me to meet them at the park, but they actually were planning on not coming and leaving me...
4 tags
Background::
BASIC: I’m in high school. My parents are divorced. I live with my mom. I am an only child. I like it half the time. My mom is a french teacher and my dad is a struggling artist. I am average looking in every way: brown hair, brown eyes, light skin, 5’3, 110 lbs. I live in middle-upper class America, which is difficult sometimes because no one understands the money issues I go through...
Dear No One,
This blog is for me. I need an escape from all of the people I know on tumblr, just so I can be anonymous somewhere in my life. Everyday, new feelings. Don’t bitch to me if you don’t like this, just don’t follow me. thank you.